im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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