this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
