He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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