When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
