i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
