So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
