she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
