They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
