4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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