I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
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