Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
