You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
