My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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