Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
