What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
