so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
