sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
