need another drink. this is the easiest way
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
