if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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