You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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