when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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