I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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