On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
