Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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