Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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