hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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