ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
