I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
