ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
