Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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