I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
