After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
