I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize