What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
