I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
