the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
