at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
