Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
