I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Everything about him screamed your future.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
