He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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