so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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