I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish I only lived at night.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
