even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
