I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
