Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize