so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
