the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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