It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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