What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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