I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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