I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
