Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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