Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
