true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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