Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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