WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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