last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
