fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
