Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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