I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
