Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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