Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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