We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
