I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
