Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
