Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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