i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
