Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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