Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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