pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
