Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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