im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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