You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
