When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
