I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
